In a world where finding one’s path can be daunting, Teodora Paucean, an Associate Certified Coach with the International Coach Federation (ICF), offers a guiding light. With a journey that spans from a teenage fascination with personality theories to a thriving coaching practice, Teodora’s expertise lies in helping millennials create lives that align with their true selves. In this exclusive MG interview, she shares her unique approach to coaching, the challenges millennials face, and practical advice for navigating personal and professional growth…
Tell us about your journey into coaching and what inspired you to focus on working with millennials…
I’ve always been highly empathetic and very interested in better understanding people: what makes everyone unique? What makes people hurt? And, most importantly, how we can solve that?!
When I was 16, I stumbled across a personality theory that changed my life: the MBTI or Jungian Typology. Digging deeper into the topic of cognitive diversity, I became completely hooked on the profound and inspiring way in which Carl Jung viewed human diversity and I knew deep in my heart that studying Psychology was the best option for me. So I decided to leave my home country, Romania, and move to England to study Psychology at one of the best schools: York University.
I also wanted to grow my character by exposing myself to other cultures and styles of doing things, so that in the future, I would be prepared to truly and genuinely make space for another human being. From there, the path was initially rocky: I worked in HR for a while and continued my training in Psychodrama, Conflict Management, and Professional Training & Coaching. It was intense and exhausting, but definitely worth it!
After polishing my skills and my character, I became a professional coach and used my practical experience with psychodrama (a profound self-awareness method) in coaching.
I support millennials in creating a life on their own terms, using self-awareness. I focus mainly on millennials because I am part of this generation too, and I feel that I can best support people in this group. As a millennial, I learned on my own skin that self-awareness is the way forward in life: personally and professionally.
What does it mean to create a life “on your own terms,” and why is it particularly important for millennials?
As a millennial, I learnt on my own skin that self-awareness is the true way forward in life: both personally and professionally. With the insights I got from my training in psychodrama, I was able to create a business that truly resonates with me, move to a new country (Germany), and build a fulfilling romantic relationship. Without self-awareness, I was lost. And I’ve seen this in so many people. The lack of clarity around one’s own values, personality, strengths, weaknesses, and true desires creates a lot of confusion and pain for many people.
Millennials are a generation that was exposed to the importance of self-awareness, but not as much and as early as Gen Z. This means that the desire for depth is there, but sometimes the old values of “having a traditional, well-paying job and getting married by age 30” still put a lot of pressure on our generation. This very often leads to a mid-life crisis in one’s late 30s/early 40s where one feels the life they are living is not representative of who they really and truly are.
How do you help millennials identify their core values and align them with their career and life goals?
In my coaching sessions, I support my clients in discovering their core values using different practical exercises as well as using personality psychology tools. Combining these means that people are able to have both a subjective and objective assessment of themselves, which then paints a clearer picture of what they truly care about in life. From this onwards, we then work on checking how much their current role/career path aligns with those values and what needs to be changed. Sometimes, the changes are smaller (and the person simply changes their attitude, their work relationships, and their routine), whereas other times, the change is more dramatic. I’ve worked with top executives who decided to abandon their roles and go in a completely different direction or with people who worked in the sciences but decided to follow their dreams in a humanitarian/social career as well.
What common challenges do you see millennials facing today, and how do you address these in your coaching practice?
I’ve seen so many millennials feel an inner conflict between what they know deep in their hearts and what society tells them they should do. The pressure is particularly highly for millennials in their early 30s who feel that they are not “keeping up” with their peers.
The pressure to get married, have kids, buy a house, and have a stable, well-paying job in a corporation can be very heavy for a lot of millennials. The funny thing is most of my clients think that they are being judged by their peers, when in reality, a lot of people who seem to have it all together on social media, are actually extremely hurt or insecure.
All these concerns are profoundly human and we all know, deep down, that listening to our own truth is so so important. The more we ignore it, the more it haunts us. And that’s what I do in my coaching sessions: I challenge people to stop lying to themselves and embrace their authenticity, and live their lives with integrity.
Can you share an example of a client success story where your coaching significantly impacted their life…
There are many stories and different client paths, but I can share one example where I worked with a top executive who felt lost professionally. He was considering a career change but had very conflicting feelings about what he should be doing. During our work together, we analysed his needs, his core values, his personality, as well as his future vision and made a plan for what he wanted to be doing next.
With my experience in HR, I also supported my client in preparing for job interviews for other top executive roles and he made it! He got the role of his dreams and beautifully merged into the new work environment, making the changes and adjustments he needed to feel like he truly belonged there.
What role do you believe personal values play in achieving long-term career satisfaction and success?
I see “vision” as a long-term destination that we aspire to. The way we want our ideal life to look like. But this journey is often difficult. What helps us recenter in these moments? Our values. They are the pillars that remind us of what truly matters to us. And they support us in our journey toward the “vision”. It’s kind of like a trip towards our dream vacation.
The destination is our vision, while the safe means of transport are represented by the values. I strongly believe in a life lived with meaning, aligned with personal values.
What are the misconceptions about life coaching you’ve encountered, and how have you addressed them?
There are two important things to mention here. The first one is that coaches are out there just to make money or trick people with regurgitated information. The second one is that coaching is a teaching process. Let’s debunk the myths:
a) While there are people out there with no qualifications or expertise who call themselves coaches (as coaching is mainly unregulated), there are a lot of people in this industry who provide real value to their customers. Look for credentials (ICF is the gold standard in the industry) and look for vulnerability. When a coach is real with you, you are much more likely to have found someone you can trust. These are the two aspects I really focus on too.
b) Coaching started as a profession where coaches would teach and train athletes. However, nowadays, it has evolved to something different. Coaching is a client led process, where the true learning comes from being in a truly safe space and an environment where the client is an active participant, rather than someone who just absorbs theoretical information.
How do you help clients overcome fear and self-doubt when pursuing their goals?
Self-doubt is literally the most common challenge clients (or let’s better say people) have. Some call it imposter syndrome, some call it low confidence, some call it paralysis. But they all come from the same source. The tools that I use to address self-doubt are related to identifying where the ego is lying to ourselves and trying to put pressure on us to *be* in a certain way in order to be loved, seen, validated. While it’s ok and human to want to be loved, when this takes over, our egos become vulnerable and hence, self-doubt appears.
I’ve learnt that ego and self-doubt are not opposites like most people think, but rather two faces of the same coin. Ego work is something I actively use in my coaching sessions to support my clients in overcoming self-doubt and fear when pursuing their goals.
What advice would you give to millennials who are just starting to explore their career paths?
You don’t have to have it all figured out just yet. Invest in your self-awareness and healing work. It pays the most dividends long term. Learn to be comfortable with discomfort and lack of clarity, as they are part of the process of letting go of coping mechanisms, fake selves and lies you have told yourself for a long time.
Looking ahead, how do you see the field of life coaching evolving, especially in relation to millennials?
I think that the industry of coaching will be getting more and more attention and, in an unregulated profession, it will be even more important to look for coaches who do their own self-work, meaning they go to coaching and therapy, they practice what they preach. You will see that in a person when they show up humble and vulnerable, and still confident while coaching.
Besides your work, what are some hobbies or interests that you’re truly passionate about?
I’ve always had a deep interest in everything spiritual. Not necessarily in the religious sense, but rather exploring ideas, practices, theories that have something to do with transcendence.
You’ll often find me immersed into psychoanalysis, astrology, and philosophy for that reason. There is something special about these topics that truly fulfils me. On a separate note, I enjoy at-home workouts, walks, podcasts and my newest surprising hobby is renovating an old farmhouse, together with my partner.
What was the best piece of advice you were ever given?
Something that deeply transformed me both personally and professionally and really increased my self-confidence was to remember why I am doing what I am doing. What makes me choose to do what I do, what makes me engage in a relationship with someone, what makes me do a presentation and so on and so forth. When I remember that, it is so much easier to disconnect from the desire to be liked and to impress and rather, to focus on doing the best that I can in a certain situation. This takes the pressure off the need to perform and impress and helps with delivering my best in both personal and professional relationships and commitments.
We often hear about your professional achievements, but can you share a personal achievement or moment in your life that you’re particularly proud of…
The moments where I am most proud of myself are the moments I change the narrative of some sort of pattern I have in my life. For example, it could be that I stop engaging in toxic behaviours, that I transform the way I look at something, that I stop fearing something. And especially when I am able to transform during times of intense conflict, I am really proud of myself. I have made it my personal mission to keep doing this.
If you could have a one-hour conversation with any fictional character, who would it be, and what burning question would you ask them?
I’d love to talk to Elijah Mikaelson from The Originals. I’d ask him all about his commitment to his family and what he’s learnt from 1000 years of tolerating darkness, shadows and betrayal. There is beauty in that for me and I’d love to hear his perspective!
If you had to sum up your life philosophy or a guiding principle in just one sentence, what would it be?
“Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside awakes” – Carl Jung.
Finally, if you were to write a personal letter to your younger self, which words of wisdom would you offer?
Trust your inner voice that tells you EXACTLY what you need to be doing in life. Stop doubting yourself and stop devaluing your skills. Know and remember that your natural gifts are so needed in the world!
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